If you see a smile on my face, DO NOT be alarmed.

I am happy.

For once. Seems like that is a rare thing for me anymore. I mean, there have always been aspects of my life I have been happy with- my marriage, my family- but for the most part, I have been miserable for years.

And I'm not on medication. I don't need it for the moment... at least not for that.

Two months ago, I didn't care about anything, let alone if I was alive or dead. I was very seriously considering suicide.

What's with the sudden change?

I have NO fucking clue. I've recently changed several things, so maybe it's just the combination.

I'm going out more. I haven't done that in ages. I might not want to do it, but I forcing myself to move, and once I'm there, I have a ball.

I transferred. Of course, the kids still annoy me sometimes, but I'm am really enjoying my job again. And I can't tell you the last time I ever said that.... if I EVER have. Sure, I'd rather not have to work... but where I am now is a shitload better than where I was a month and a half ago.

I'm slowly changing of I'm eating and trying to lose weight. Since the middle of Feburary, I apparently lost 20 pounds... and didn't know it. Yeah, I was annoyed at first, because I realized that I am such a beast that I didn't realize I was 20 pounds lighter, but then again... I LOST 20 POUNDS. I don't know if I even lost that much when I played basketball in high school. And I've just started Zumba (about a week and a half in), and I swear it's going to kill me, but I like doing it. Me? Enjoy exercise? Who is this person talking? I've lost an additional 5 pounds since last Monday. It's not great, and I'm not doing the Zumba as much as I should be, but I know that it'll be slow going. But I'm going to give it a shot.

I have more energy and I have been sleeping a little better too.

Yeah, every day things still piss me off. But, why waste time complaining about it? There's hockey to go to, Mummies to dance to,, stuff to write, swimming soon, my hubby to love...

I'm a completely different person.

And I think I like me this way.