If you see a smile on my face, DO NOT be alarmed.

I am happy.

For once. Seems like that is a rare thing for me anymore. I mean, there have always been aspects of my life I have been happy with- my marriage, my family- but for the most part, I have been miserable for years.

And I'm not on medication. I don't need it for the moment... at least not for that.

Two months ago, I didn't care about anything, let alone if I was alive or dead. I was very seriously considering suicide.

What's with the sudden change?

I have NO fucking clue. I've recently changed several things, so maybe it's just the combination.

I'm going out more. I haven't done that in ages. I might not want to do it, but I forcing myself to move, and once I'm there, I have a ball.

I transferred. Of course, the kids still annoy me sometimes, but I'm am really enjoying my job again. And I can't tell you the last time I ever said that.... if I EVER have. Sure, I'd rather not have to work... but where I am now is a shitload better than where I was a month and a half ago.

I'm slowly changing of I'm eating and trying to lose weight. Since the middle of Feburary, I apparently lost 20 pounds... and didn't know it. Yeah, I was annoyed at first, because I realized that I am such a beast that I didn't realize I was 20 pounds lighter, but then again... I LOST 20 POUNDS. I don't know if I even lost that much when I played basketball in high school. And I've just started Zumba (about a week and a half in), and I swear it's going to kill me, but I like doing it. Me? Enjoy exercise? Who is this person talking? I've lost an additional 5 pounds since last Monday. It's not great, and I'm not doing the Zumba as much as I should be, but I know that it'll be slow going. But I'm going to give it a shot.

I have more energy and I have been sleeping a little better too.

Yeah, every day things still piss me off. But, why waste time complaining about it? There's hockey to go to, Mummies to dance to,, stuff to write, swimming soon, my hubby to love...

I'm a completely different person.

And I think I like me this way.

I hate being a woman.

Why don't women have any self respect for themselves? Why do they have to act like hoes to get anything/ everything, or for no reason at all, other than thinking they're cute? Why do guys fall for it, even if they know the girl isn't interested? She'll bail as soon as she gets what she wants. Guess that works out for the guy too. It's a use/ use situation.

No, I'm not gorgeous, hot, pretty, whatever, but I'm smart. And I'd rather be known for my brains than how much I put out.

Double standards

Okay... so I generally don't really care about gossip mags, etc. but I happened across this article, and since I was already in a bad mood, I just got more pissed off.


http://omg.yahoo.com/news/barbara-walters-shows-gagas-same-sex-kiss-but-not-lamberts/32504

Barbara Walters Shows Gaga's Same-Sex Kiss - But Not Lambert's


LOS ANGELES, Calif. -- Adam Lambert's controversial kiss at the American Music Awards continues to be kept off the airwaves.

The singer's same-sex kiss during his performance of "For Your Entertainment" at November's awards show was not televised on Barbara Walters' "The 10 Most Fascinating People of 2009" special on ABC (the network that aired the AMAs) on Wednesday.

"I would do it exactly the same way," Adam told Barbara of the much-discussed performance. "Freedom of expression should be alive and well, and unfortunately, it's not."

However, Barbara did showcase a female same-sex kiss - from Lady Gaga.

The special shows a clip from Gaga's video for the track "Love Game," depicting the singer locking lips with another woman.

"I do like women. I've only been in love with men, I've never been in love with a woman," Gaga explained to Barbara. "I have certainly had sexual relationships with women, yes."

While Barbara had no issue with Gaga's kiss, she made a point of noting she wasn't going to show Lambert's, in favor of spending more time on his interview.

"The CBS Early Show" did a similar thing two weeks ago. After booking Lambert on their show (following his cancellation by ABC's "Good Morning America"), CBS blurred the male-male Lambert kiss, while not blurring a female-female kiss between Britney Spears and Madonna at the 2003 MTV "Video Music Awards."



She didn't show his kiss to "spend more time on his interview". Really? Because I think that's a lame ass excuse.


This is something that has always bothered me... the double standards of men, women, and sex.

Same sex kisses- Girls do it, and 'it's hot'. Hell, a majority of people will pay to see it done. Guys do it, and it's the foulest thing that has ever happened on the face of the Earth.

Men have sex with how ever many women they want, and they're awesome. Women do it, and their hoes/ sluts/ cum dumpsters/ insert- other- nasty- insults- here for life.

And finally, the ignorance of one of my relatives who has a son and, soon, a daughter. If her son got a girl pregnant while he was still a teenager, it wouldn't really be a problem because "he's a boy, and it wouldn't be his responsibility". Now, I always thought it took two to tango, and it was the "problem" and responsibility of both involved parties.

When I asked what would happen if her daughter came home pregnant, the response was: "I'd fucking kill her".

Ah, what a great mother those children have.

I hate people

Why are they so stupid? And why can't they drive? Everyone should have to retake driving exams every year. If you fail, you don't get your license back, and you have to spend 30 in some kind of confinement where the people can publicly taunt and beat you because you're such a fucking moron.

Sadness...

It makes me feel old when GNR's Paradise City is being played on classic rocks stations.... I remember when that song came out.

Reality Television

I haven't been feeling well for the past week or so, so I have been watching A LOT of crappy television.... mostly VH1. Then I saw a message board post for one of the shows. I didn't even read it, but the title was Why don't sane girls get on reality tv.

The answer: Because sane girls (or guys) do not good ratings make.

Do the viewers actually think, for one split second, that TV people care anything for the people on these shows? I certainly hope not. The only thing that matters is the all mighty buck. Forget peoples' feelings. As long as the ratings and sponsorships are rolling in, who gives a fuck.

And, if this is reality (My Antonio, Tool Academy, Megan Wants a Millionaire, Rock of Love, Survivor, Fear Factor, blah, blah, etc... there are SO many more, but these are just a few off the top of my head), then I want a new reality, 'cuz this one sucks.

Ted Nugent has a new show coming out around January, I think, called Runnin' Wild... with Ted Nugent. The set up seems to be a lot like The Most Dangerous Game, but of course without all of the good stuff.

Maybe we really should have a Battle Royale. The ratings would be great, and we'd thin out the population.... it's a win- win situation.

Stupid people annoy me

I love it when people say off the wall stuff trying to impress someone, or more importantly, make them sound smarter. It amuses me, and it just drives my point home- you're an idiot.

I work with this woman that everyone thinks is a saint.... whatever, she might be nice, but it doesn't change the fact that it's actually frightening to work with her because she's SO fucking clueless. She has the potential to put others in harm's way on a regular basis.

Then she makes these ridiculous comments trying to make herself sound cultured (I guess that's what she's trying to do), but I just have to laugh. She should just stick to what she does best... I'm not sure what exactly that is, but it's definitely NOT acting intelligent.